She sat in the corner of the bar looking lost and when the bartender came over to ask her what she wanted, she only ordered a coke. I had been watching her for a while and she was doing an odd thing. Every few minutes she would look into her purse and wring her hands, her face would literally crumple and she would look four times her age, after a while, she seemed to give herself a mental shake and looked around as though to make sure no one was watching her. She was beautiful and I have a thing for beautiful ladies, plus I can’t stand to see a lady in distress, so I stood up and walked over to her.
“Is this seat taken?” I asked indicating the chair beside her, causing her to jump slightly even though she had been facing me when I was walking toward her. It took her an instant to compose her and she flashed me a brilliant smile that was carefree and warm at the same time, “It is now!” Was her tart reply.
I sat down with an answering smile and introduced myself to her. Still smiling she took my hand and said her name was KayCee, which was short for Morenike. After that the talk just flowed. She was quite an educated woman and seeing as how I am a lawyer – which we all know stands for Know-it-all – we had a very engaging conversation ranging from things as trifling as the latest “Nollywood” Movie to discussions as heated as the latest PDP scandal that was rocking the nation. She told me that her ideal vacation within the country would be a visit to Obudu Cattle Ranch in Cross Rivers State because she loved “all things green”! Which led me to crack a joke regarding a DNA test to ensure she was Nigerian seeing as how all Nigerians seemed to be running away from “all things green” and strolling toward “all things computerized”. She laughed and said she was a complete zero with technology. According to her, the only reason she had a cell phone was because her ex had gotten tired of trying to surmise when she was at home and had bought her an N96, which of course she could not use so she had traded it in for a 3300. I laughed, “For someone who claims to be a technology idiot, you seem to know models of phones pretty well”.
“I love numbers”, she laughingly declared. Of course I immediately asked if she knew her cell number by heart, causing her to laugh again, “You must think you are smart” she said. “Young man, if you want my number ask for it directly”. So I did. All in all it was a fun, if somewhat cheesy night.
After about an hour and a half of this type of teasing and flirting, we got up to leave the bar together. All night, underneath all the teasing, there had been a strong attraction between us both and we just knew that the night was going to end steamily, so when it was time to go, as if by some unspoken consent we left together. It was raining heavily outside and KayCee shrieked with excitement running to get under the rain. She started a funny kind of dance consisting mainly of awkward bumps and jerks… and I’m not sure but I think I might have detected some sort of attempt to wind her hips. I couldn’t help myself; I knew I would probably lose points with her, but she was so funny and so cute at the same time. I burst into laughter, I laughed so hard that I had told my sides for fear my ribs would fall out. She stopped dancing and started pouting.
“Hey, hey!” I said, walking into the rain and catching her chin with the tip of my finger gently, “Don’t do that! I’m not laughing at you. It’s just, well, you are so cute. A terrible dancer, yes! But the best bad dancer I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
She laughed, “You know you are the worst sweet talker ever, right?”
“At least I’m honest”, I retort
“Yes! At least there’s that.”
By this time she is in my arms and she’s looking into my face, while the rain drenches us both. I forget who made the move, forget who kissed whom; all that I recall is a fantastic kiss. Attempting to describe the things I felt during that kiss would belittle it, but Femi, believe me when I say there can be only one such kiss. Outside of that, the kiss was also very weird. A few seconds into it, I could have sworn that it had stopped raining and the sun had come out. Don’t be absurd, I thought to myself, it’s 2 in the morning. Yet, I could feel the rays of sunlight beating down on me, warming me up, so I thought I’d open my eyes for a bit. I did, and I can swear that I caught a glimpse of a forest before my eyes were fully opened but by the time they opened – a nanosecond later – of course we were outside in the dark rainy compound in which the bar was located. I remember I tried to pull away from the kiss, but she held me tight and deepened the kiss. “Close your eyes”, she said. I don’t know how she got it out of her mouth seeing as how she never broke the kiss, “It’s better that way”, now that I think about it, I’m not sure whether it was my ears or my mind that heard that husky timbre that was her voice but I obeyed her. This time I heard whispers and felt like we were being watched. Again, I tried to check, but I found that my eyes would not open. To my left side, I heard a woman scream; on my right I heard an animal make a sound. That sound! It was like nothing I have ever heard before, and it is like nothing I ever want to hear again, it was… it was horrible, a cross between a bark a meow, a purr a roar and a grunt. I say it was an animal sound because I cannot imagine a human being make that sound - just the thought of it is enough to make my fingers of reality begin to warp – but I don’t think any animal make that sound. Maybe then I was able to delude myself that I t was an animal. I needed to deceive myself that it was an animal.
By this time KayCee had broken away from me and was smiling into my eyes, when I looked at her, I couldn’t help but smile back. The memory of the weird things that had, maybe, occurred during our kiss was already receding and all I recalled was how great the kiss was. On that basis, I leaned in for another kiss. This time, with no conscious plan, I kept my eyes open. What I saw, I still have trouble believing, even after all that happened later that night. As soon as our lips touched, I saw the most divine woman you can imagine ten times over. She was tall, almost eight feet tall, and slim. Her skin was the color of red earth, but it was so clear that it appeared to be translucent; her eyes were the color of coals, right down to the red spark in the middle – the dying ember – she was smiling in approval and her small white teeth shone like pearls in the night. But as beautiful as this woman was, I was freaked out by her! I think this is because I saw where she had come out!
I feel my sanity going even as I tell you this. She had come out of KayCee! Yes, yes! That goddess had pushed her way out from between KayCee’s skirt, so I can only presume that she had come from between KayCee’s thighs, all eight feet of her. She was so tall that when her back reached the floor, she had to begin slithering in order to free herself from KayCee’s body. It was awful!
I tried to free my self from KayCee’s grip in order to scream, she held me in place with surprisingly strong arms and sighed. “The human body is a beautifully terrible thing. It says so much more than words ever could, I see you’ve seen my child.” At these words, I felt my sanity begin to slide, I began to chant a poem that used to calm me down as a child.
“Oh my home!
Oh my home!
When shall I see my home?
When shall I see my loving home?
I will never forget my home!”...
To be continued...
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