Saturday, October 17, 2009

GrayScale... Part I


Bright colors were everywhere! Sika was being blinded by the intensity of their brilliance. Her dark eyes were wide open and her pupils had contracted until they were nothing more than horizontal slits in the immediate yellow of her eyes. Her skinny ten year old body was squeezed tightly into a corner in her room and a fist was stuffed just as tightly into her mouth, her teeth clamped down stubbornly on that little fist and they had broken through the tender skin, blood flowed freely and continuously form the wounds they caused as she clamed down even harder and stretched the wounds even more. With all this padding, little whimpers could still be heard emitting from her. These sounds were like nothing any human being could or should be allowed to make; little growls and pitiful mewls all with a haunted melody imbued into them, as though the thing making those sounds knew the essence of sorrow. At first her other arm, the right arm, was clenched in her lap, her nails clawing into her soft palm and drawing more blood, but as the pool of blood dripping from her left arm and gathering by her knees grew, she began to scribble in the blood with her right hand. She wrote neatly and in tiny letters, but she also wrote quickly. When she had finished writing, she took her fist from her mouth, raised both hands to her face, covered her face with her hands and let out a sharp, piercing scream. With her eyes shielded by her bloody hands, all she should have been able to see was black, but the colors haunted her, the images threw themselves at her eyes, the blood dripping from the ceiling was still an impossibly luminous scarlet color. The bodies were still being mauled and torn apart, and the paleness of the remnant was still dazzling white, like polished marble. The colors in the room and of the clothes was still too bright, and everything was still happening before her shielded eyes. Sika took a shaky breath and tried to close her eyes, but, again, her lids refused to close. When she saw a head being ripped from its body as easily as though a banana was being taken from a bunch, she howled in horror again, her pitch and volume even higher than the first scream. She screeched as though she was dying, and honestly speaking, at the sight of the bloody massacre, a part of her was slowly dying, very slowly, but very surely.
Her door burst open and her mum rushed into the room, at the sight of Sika huddled in a corner and seemingly covered in blood, the doctor paused, but then she rushed to her child’s side and reached out to take her into her arms. Sika flinched from her touch and tried to push herself further into the wall, blubbing insensibly as she exerted herself in an effort to avoid human contact.
“Shhh! Darling, you are alright, mummy is here.” Dr. Luna tried to reach out to her child, “Mummy is here and mummy loves you. Calm down baby, nothing can harm you”. From a faraway place, Sika heard her mothers voice and the noises she was making reduced to little whines and whimpers, she turned unseeing eyes in the direction of her mother, the massacre still taking place in her head. The colors, were, however, reducing in their intensity and the pace was slowing down. Slowly the images vanished from her sight and she was back in her room, her gray room, where there were no colors, she looked at her gray mother and looked at the gray blood on the carpet. Slowly, she realized that her world was returning to normal and she scrambled toward her mother and held her tight, sobbing fitfully, “Mo… Mother, I-I-I saw co-colors”, she managed to breathe out between sobs. Dr. Luna gasped and clung to her daughter, exhilarated and frightened at the same time.

********************************************************************************************

Sika had been born on a gray day, the clouds had been gray and dreary, hanging heavy with impending rain, the sun that struggled to shine through the clouds had also had a strange tinge of gray to it. The trees in Fall Town had appeared to agree with the weather and all the vegetation in Fall Town had seemed to have a grayish cast over them that day. Nobody seemed to notice, but Dr. Luna had noticed that even the people seemed a little gray themselves when you got right down to it. When her child was born, the doctors thought that she was jaundiced because the whites of her eyes where yellow, but upon testing, they found that she was as healthy as could be, the only other strange thing being that when the baby’s pupils dilated, they turned into horizontal slits, like snake eyes. When the child was presented to her mother, she kept turning her head from side to side and the nurses laughed, “Look at the little seeker.” One said teasingly. Everybody laughed and another replied, “Yes, she does look like she is seeking after something don’t you think?” “Probably her place in life!” “And at such an early age too”.
Dr. Luna smiled around the room in agreement, “Yes”, she said softly, silencing the laughing nurse, “She does look like a little seeker, doesn’t she? My little seeker. So be it little one, you have picked your name, Sika Luna.”
“Oh!” The youngest nurse breathed out in bliss, “Sika Luna! What a delightfully exotic name. everybody laughed and the little baby tilted her head to one side and smiled like she knew what was so funny.
As time went on, it was discovered that Sika had a rare disorder, fantastically rare even amongst it class. Sika was color blind! It wasn’t like she was a protanope, or a deuteranope, or even a tritanope. She suffered from all three. She basically saw in shades of gray, one doctor had tried to make light of it and had referred to her as a walking grayscale monitor. Another doctor had said, “Ma’am, it’s the strangest thing, but it appears that your daughter can see only one color. She sees everything in dirty intermediate shades of gray. The three forms of colorblindness are so rare to begin with, but this, this is an impossibility”. Riben Luna had felt lost, her husband had died in a car crash, the day she had discovered she was pregnant with Sika, the pregnancy had been a very difficult one, so much so that she was always in the maternity section provided by the lab for scientists working on material so delicate they were not allowed to interact with the outside world until it was over. After such a difficult delivery, they were trying to tell her that her daughter could not see colors. They had, however, made it through the years. Sika had grown up to be a quiet child with an unusual level of intelligence. She was a sweet child, very affectionate and reserved to the point of austerity.

WHO KILLED DELE ODEYEMI

I can't remember any of it... they tell me i did it... they tell me i was the

culprit...truly, the only thing i remember is seeing the blood on her hands as she

walked away. I don't even know who she was. I remember that morning... it

was raining and I was put off because I had planned to go to the market, so I

put off my phone because if anyone had called me, I would have pissed off a

bunch of people. I spent the day indoors, tidying up the house after that I

picked up Daphne Du Muarier's Rebbecca and read for a few minutes...I read it

until I got a migraine and it was midday by then... so I took a Midol and half a

Valium, in about half an hour i was dead to the world. That is all i remember

about that day. Why won't anyone believe me? Okay, okay so i sort of recall a

lady walking out of my room... that should clear me right? Wrong? They say it

means one of two things, either i remember more than i say i do... or i made her

up to defend myself. they continuously ask me who this mystery lady was...

why no sign of her in the house why i was splashed in his blood. When i tell

them i don't even know who he is, they ask me why a lot of witnesses have us

together recently... that draws a blank! am i going mad!??? Who is Dele

Odeyemi? How did he get into my house? Why? Who killed him? Why? all these

questions and a few more run through my mind.

They say, "Don't leave town!"I'm a little confused, where would i run to even if

I wanted to leave, I have no family outside Lagos and very few friends even

within the city. Plus, my curiosity has been aroused, i won't be satisfied till all of

my questions have been answered. So i made up my mind to stay in town and

find out who killed Dele Odeyemi?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Loving Umar iv... The conclusion


TAYO
… The day nurse woke us up. “Agatha? What are you doing all the way here?” Agatha, for that was the child’s name, gave her a sleepy grin. “Morning, nurse,” she said, “I couldn’t sleep and so I took a walk. I wanted to walk so I walked. I was too tired to go back to my room. Agatha hugged me and said, “Love does not…” She scrunched up her face trying to remember the word. “Hurt”, I supplied the word for her and was rewarded with another bright smile. She hugged me again and climbed down the bed. Looking over her head I saw Umar at the door scowling.

TWO YEARS LATER
TAYO
I heaved a sigh of complete gratification as I sank into the bath tub. I was back home, where I belonged. The bathtub was filled with lavender scented water and bubbles. There was a glass of Champagne within my reach and Darwin Hobbs’s He’s Able was straining out softly from the overhead speakers. The lights were off in the bathroom and there were scented candles lit everywhere. The candle light bouncing of the rose colored walls gave the bathroom a warm glow, the way the world looks during the perfect sunset.
The water felt great on my body and I felt all the tension gained from lying on a hard bed wash away into the heat of the water. I sipped my champagne and smiled as I thought about the wonderful day I had and the wonderful night I had ahead of me. The song ended and Asa’s Subway started playing.
As I toweled my self I recalled the scene at the hospital. That was the last time I had seen Umar in two years, and that was the beginning of my empowerment as a woman.
Umar had come to the hospital to bully me into obedience as usual. The minute I saw him grandma spoke up in my head, Now or never Tayo, you know what you ought to do. As if on cue, Agatha looked back at me smiled and said, “Love doesn’t hurt.” She waved and let herself be ushered out by the day nurse. Before Umar could say a word I told him that I was going to go along with his plan. When a confident smile threatened to break forth I told him that the marriage was over. I could not continue to live with a man that did not love me. He started to tell me the usual story about how he really loved me, but sometimes I could be so stupid and I got him so angry. I cut him short and told him, “Love heals. It corrects gently. If you loved me you would have at least owned up. I can’t explain it, but, somehow, now I know that if you ever loved me, you would never have tried to break me, mold me into your idea of a perfect woman. You would have accepted me, mistakes and all and encouraged me and made me feel secure. How can I feel dread anytime the man who claims he loves me draws near? Why should I be afraid that I would offend you? I should want your happiness, not out of fear, but out of, at least respect. I may not know what love is, but I do know it cannot be found in our house and for that reason I am leaving you.”
Umar’s face had contorted and a series of emotions raced through his eyes, then he said softly, “Where do you think you will go. What do you think will become of you. You are nothing without me?”
At that instant it was as though I could finally see my husband, I mean the real Umar. I realized he was afraid! I don’t know what he was afraid of but I knew then that all his actions were motivated by fear, and I also saw, sadly, that there was nothing I could do about it. I straightened up in my sickbed and looked my husband straight in the eye.
“Yes, Umar, I am something without you. I am Omotayo Ladipo. And I will survive, somehow, because I know that I might not be worth as much as a lot of people, but I am worth more than Umar Hassan.” Weakened by that speech I closed my eyes and said, “You may leave now. It would serve to your interest not to show up here again.” I turned away from the door and went to sleep, smiling.
When I got discharged from the hospital, I went straight to my grandmother’s house in Ibadan. She had willed the house to me and that was the place where I felt happiest. I quickly got a new job and I settled in here. I had learned at least one thing by loving Umar: It is sometimes safest to love from a distance. Wish them well, pray for them and by all means help them if they need it, but some people ought to be kept at arms length.
As I walked into my bedroom to dress up for bed the last song on my play list started up. It was Flying Without Wings by Ruben Studdard. I smiled as I realized that was what had happened that day, two years ago; I had taken a huge leap from the top of a steep cliff, and instead of dropping like a stone as I had expected, I had flown. Of course from time to time heavy winds buffeted me and made me long for the security that is marriage, but I held fast and slowly taught myself how to heal. I learned that I am a beautiful, special woman of whom there is no double, I also think I am quite intelligent because in the past two years, I have risen rather in my chosen field, rising to the rank of branch manger in less than two years.
Today is the second anniversary of my emancipation from fear, and I celebrated it by loving my self and the world at large. I spent the day at an orphanage playing with the children, cooking for them, bathing them, telling them stories and suchlike. Tonight I am pampering my self, learning to live with the thoughts in my head. My grandma? She must be resting in peace now because since the day I told Umar to bug off I haven’t heard a word from her. I am free and I am loved, if not by anyone else, then at least by myself and by God, and that is all that matters now.